Things NOT to Say to Someone in Therapy

Deciding to go to therapy can be one of the most challenging things that we do. 

In our culture where therapy, mental health and emotions are still stigmatised, stepping out of our cultural and comfort zones and showing up for therapy is an act of bravery in itself.

It makes you wonder about the dire need and suffering that may have brought people into this contested space. Therapy is an immensely personal journey, one that mustn't be criticised, questioned, judged or minimised. 

Unfortunately, people who are vocal about their choice to seek therapy often end up enduring certain intrusive questions and comments about their decision. It’s important to understand what is respectful and considerate to say to someone who is going to therapy, and what isn’t. 

“What do you need therapy for? You have it good in life”. 

While this might seem like a compliment or genuine curiosity, the impact of such words often outweighs the intent. It can come across as minimizing someone’s struggles and may force them to justify their pain. Instead, try saying, “I’m glad you’ve taken up therapy. Would you like to share what’s been going on?” Remember, it’s their choice whether or not to share.

“So, what exactly are you talking about in therapy?”

While curiosity about therapy is natural, asking someone to share details of their sessions can leave them feeling pressured or uncomfortable. It forces them to choose between revealing vulnerabilities or risking offense by declining. Instead, let them lead the conversation if they wish to share. You might say, “I’d love to understand how therapy helps in general, but I respect if you’d prefer to keep your experience private.”

You may even have your own opinions about therapy, and you may not agree with someone’s choice to continue taking sessions. 

While you are entitled to your opinion, your freedom also comes with respecting the beliefs and freedoms of those around you. When you criticise their choice or even offer solutions and alternatives to them attending therapy, like “Why don’t you try…” or “Maybe you should…”, be mindful that challenging their decisions and assuming a position of superiority might end up with you losing their trust.

There are likely many such statements and approaches that come across as unwelcome conversations. 

"What’s wrong with you that you need therapy?"

"Are you cured yet?"

"Are you sure therapy is working?"

"Who do you talk about in therapy?"

"Do you think you’ll ever stop going to therapy?"

It’s important to approach the topic of therapy with genuine care rather than with a sense of judgment, criticism or curiosity for curiosity’s sake. 

Navigating these boundaries around someone’s therapy journey requires respect, empathy, and understanding. Allowing people to feel safe in their vulnerability would strengthen the bond and trust you share with them.