Can I Just Exist Without Performing?: On Resilience And Chronic Illness
Resilience is often celebrated as something to aspire to, but for many living with chronic illness, it can become a burden rather than a compliment. This piece reflects on the hidden costs of romanticising endurance, inviting us to move beyond admiring people's capacity to survive and instead ask how we can lessen the weight they are carrying. Sometimes, the most compassionate response isn't to praise resilience—it's to make resilience less necessary.
Resilience has often been lauded as a virtue.
From the perspective of someone who has lived with chronic illness their entire life, this narrative can be both validating and damaging. The idea that enduring continuous pain and struggle is an admirable trait might seem empowering on the surface, but it masks a deeper, more troubling reality.
Living with a chronic illness, I have often been described as resilient.
Friends, family, and even healthcare professionals have praised my ability to "keep going" despite the daily battles with pain, fatigue, and the numerous other symptoms that accompany my condition.
On one hand, these acknowledgments feel like recognition of my struggle. They provide a sense of validation, an affirmation that my efforts to maintain some semblance of normalcy are seen and appreciated.
However, as I have come to realise, this narrative can also be isolating and dehumanising.
The praise of resilience often shifts focus away from the person experiencing the suffering and onto the suffering itself. It turns the narrative into one of admiration for the ability to withstand pain rather than an understanding and addressing of the root causes of that pain.
It creates a situation where my identity becomes intertwined with my ability to endure, rather than my inherent worth as a human being.
This romanticisation of resilience also risks perpetuating a harmful cycle of dehumanisation.
Those who suffer are expected to do so quietly and stoically, without complaint or expectation of help, diminishing the very real emotional and psychological toll that chronic illness takes, reducing it to a mere backdrop for tales of perseverance.
This narrative can lead to further isolation, as the person enduring the illness might feel pressured to live up to this idealized version of resilience, suppressing their pain and struggling in silence.
By highlighting resilience as a solution, we ignore the underlying issues that need to be addressed to truly improve the lives of those affected. This means recognising the humanity of those who suffer, valuing their experiences beyond their ability to endure.
So, the next time you encounter someone going through a hard time, instead of applauding their ability to tolerate pain, perhaps ask if you can take some of that pain away.